Alas Kwatro sa Kwarto: Mga Kwentong Monologue

[Alarm clock raging desperately] 4:00AM

P***! I forgot to give notice to my alarm clock. I don’t have work today!!

I just QUIT my day job and now I’m staring blankly at an empty sheet thinking what to do next. I don’t have a plan (oh, great!) and if I remain in this state I will probably starve in the coming months. I couldn’t help it. The voices are playing tricks inside my head again; probably, my body auto-response to my dilapidated condition. Abruptly, the monologue gets on my way like an old friend paying a nasty visit.

The Beginning

[Thinking how to live] Why won’t you withdraw the remaining stock investment and start fresh somewhere?

Like, again? Relocate? That’s a good idea! But the Philippine stock market is massively down (major market correction according to experts) and I’m on huge paper losses. I will definitely eat Skyflakes or drown my stomach with water if I’ll wait for the next market rally! For a long-term investor, HOLD is the name of the game. And stock market basics (BUY LOW, SELL HIGH) do not support this option. Tsk… Not viable!

[Thinking of Alternative] How about if you make writing a career! Write while waiting!

Hmmm. sounds great! Except that I do not write professionally. My pieces are for my consumption, some friends, and some audiences who have the luxury of time to waste over my filthy works. Sounds promising but not a good idea! And besides, craft is priceless. I do not put price tags on my creations that would be an insult.

[Thinking of PASSION] How about the financial freedom advocacy huh?! Financial literacy campaign? What now?!

I literally look at my wallet. I took too much risk last month and some investment ventures did not go well even got me into some debts; I don’t I have the authority to do that now. I need more favourable experiences, positive results, and probably more credentials!

[Thinking. Insisting] Maybe they could learn from your naïve financial decisions and moves?

Enough! That’s totally rubbish! The blind can never lead the flock successfully (If he did, trust me he is not blind).

The Ending

I don’t have a job.

I do not have a job YET.

The market is DOWN

It will be UP soon…(WALA KAYANG FOREVER)

I am not a writer.

I WILL BE. soon.

I am not yet a credible financial advocate.

I’ll figure it out soon if not later.

Monologue ends…

Epilogue

It’s 4:00am; still dark outside. Far from the usual early morning brewed coffee routine, I woke up with series of thoughts, predominantly setbacks, unfortunate events, and momentary defeats. I struggle to psyche up myself and alter reality in my head (which I am good at) but ultimately won another monologue battle! Experiences have taught me that the best way to change the course of anything is to take full command of one’s thought. That style probably worked well for me. Proof? I’m still alive, surviving and thriving. I did not crumble into pieces helpless and defeated. I continue to stand fighting.

[Wind blows] Then I remember…

I remember the rhythmic sounds local ‘jeepney’ rappers produce while basking for money

Then, I remember the need to find a new job, Probably no, not a job… A career perhaps

I remember vividly the face of the old man lying across the street begging for food

Then, I remember the medical condition of a family member, and how scary it is

Then, I remember a friend who’s been through a lot lately with settlement cases

The unbearable heat waves along with the rotating brown outs (or blackouts)

GDP at only 5.2%; quite below expectations

The uncollected garbage bags

The broken toilet

Thoughts caught again in a spiral vortex, an indefinite whirlwind of now, today, later, tomorrow, soon, and never.

Monologue continues.

Post Script: Random thoughts, free form writing, walang basagan ng trip [PLEASE don’t judge ;-)]

Photo Credits: www.guideposts.org